When Mrs M arrived at the Spice Market buffet at Planet Hollywood, we were a little disappointed. Adding Mexican and Middle Eastern stations to the standard format did not, we felt, justify the name.
Nevertheless, the food was good and there was lots of it.
Determined to do justice to the international feel, I had a plate from each themed station except Chinese. Too much sugar in all those sauces. My five plates were: Italian, Middle Eastern, Mexican, American and Seafood.
Putting Mrs M in charge of drinks was good, because she formed an excellent relationship with the waitress, who was therefore very attentive; but it was bad, because wine seemed to appear every time I left the table, stealthily ordered and introduced while I avariciously stalked the stations.
I escaped from the Spice Market with my buffet mastery rules unbroken, but only just. I could feel my resolve drowning in the warmth of the last glass of wine as we shuffled fatly out of the restaurant. In retrospect, I believe it was fortunate the dessert section was not located near the exit.
Buffet mastery rule #5: don't drink too much booze
It was ironic, therefore, that the following night, at the Wynn buffet, I let Mrs M talk me into the unlimited champagne option; and it was unfortunate that the waiters appeared to be under threat of death if anyone's glass was discovered empty.
As you would expect, the food was excellent - but the station selection conformed to what we were coming to recognise as the standard Vegas format. I guess it makes commercial sense to operate a kind of menu cartel. Do doubt a 747 filled entirely with crabs legs lands at Las Vegas each morning, ready to supply The Strip with its daily need.
At Wynn, the meat sweats hit me after only 3 plates: the fizz of the champagne had made me feel fuller.
Buffet mastery rule #6: don't drink fizzy drinks
When Mrs M began bringing desserts back to the table. I could feel my strength ebbing. The champagne was making it hard to keep a grip. Damn those waiters.
In a desperate attempt to avert disaster, I compiled a 4th plate of questionable foods, such as chicken with sweet sauce. This I ate quickly, in the hope I would lose my urge for cake. It worked.
The next day, the sumptuous Bellagio buffet, #1 on the top 10 Vegas buffets web site, was suitably impressive. Nice touches like seaweed salad made the difference and in fact all the seafood was of a high quality.
I kept the wine consumption low this time, but in spite of that, my willpower continued to ebb. Notice the addition of red sauce on plate 2, sweet potato mash on plate 2 and soft cheese on plates 3 and 4.
When Mrs M began taunting me with divinely sculpted portions of tiramisu and cheesecake I was forced once again to take a culinary cold shower with a swiftly built 4th plate which included soft cheese, salads with sweet dressings and other foods at the margins of my normal Paleo menu.
Only the avoidance of wine saved the day - but I knew what was coming. I just needed to hold out long enough so that the damage was limited. Once I started, I would not be able to stop. I did not want to get pulled into the cake binge vortex with several days left in Vegas. It was not safe.
The Great Buffet Abuse Tour - Part 1
The Great Buffet Abuse Tour - Part 2: Boston and LA
The Great Buffet Abuse Tour - Part 3: Vegas Begins
The Great Buffet Abuse Tour - Part 5: The Collapse
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
The Great Buffet Abuse Tour - Part 4: The Weakening